Reasons Why Twilight Is Pish
An Essay By Barry Raymond McMullen.
The year was 1897 and an Irish author named Bram Stoker had just published his seminal work; the novel ‘Dracula’. This was by no means the first time that the notion of a vampire had appeared in print, but it definitely popularised what we have come to know to be a vampire. Although not a huge success upon initial publication Dracula began to build momentum and over time it became a worldwide best seller and a paragon of horror fiction. And of course inevitably Hollywood came calling to translate this character to the silver screen. According to Wikipedia as of 2009 an estimated 217 feature films featuring Dracula have been produced. Some of which are classics in their own right such as Bela Lugosi’s Dracula and the silent film ‘Nosferatu’(although not a direct adaptation a lot of the ideas of the novel are presented.) It was clear from these films that vampires where something to be respected, a creature of fear to haunt your nightmares. Films like the lost boys modernised vampires and made them relatable to a whole new generation. And everything was all well and good...
Fast forward to the year 2005 and a no talent hack called Stephanie Meyer has decided to squat and take a shite on everything I have ever held dear about vampires, writing and women.
Twilight is a book that exists simply to rationalise the sexual feelings that a young girl feels as she blossoms from childhood to womanhood. This is stage one of the Meyers evil plan. She is adding relatability to her character so they can empathise and rationalise that they want to fuck. However the character in her book can’t fuck because she is all hot and heavy for a vampire who might rip her fucking head off and drink her blood if she touches his willy. This is sending out the wrong message about sexuality to teenage girls!
The story is also incredibly sexist. This girl’s sole reason for being is to please the perfect Edward Cullen. Someone who she is willing to lose absolutely everything for and who is creating unreachable goals for the teenage girl audience who Stephanie Meyer is pandering too. Yes we get it, most 15 year old boys have a permanent boner and think lighting their farts is funny. So a shiny vampire does seem like a fucking prince compared to most 15 year old boys.
And that’s another thing that pissed me off, it took everything cool about vampires and stripped it away. It made them shiny baseball playing baw bags who spout out stilted dialogue and pose. In the first twilight film that was literally the relationship building up between Bella and Edward. A series of scenes of posing and staring at each other. Who needs character development eh?
Lastly from the extracts of twilight that I have read some of the writing is appauling, for a professional author to be able to knock that out is outrageous. Stephanie Meyer is a woman in need of a good editor.
Twilight is not romantic fiction. There is no real romance in it, nothing genuine or sentimental. Nor is it vampire fiction as it shits all over everything a vampire book or film should be. It’s just a series of words promoting abstinence and causing head aches.
This is a vampire.
http://reluctantoptimist.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/nosferatu2.jpg
This is a vampire
http://www.draculas.info/_img/gallery/bela_lugosi_as_dracula_75.jpg
THIS IS A VAMPIRE!
http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Entertainment/images-5/kiefer-sutherland-the-lost-boys.jpg
THIS IS NOT A FUCKING VAMPIRE!!!!!!!
http://www.makeup411.com/411_product_images/1006_Pattinson_Twilight_DeanaNewcomb.jpg
In conclusion, I HATE TWISHITE.
